Category: Lunacy

What did the grape do when it was stepped on?

~It let out a little wine.

Okay caveat in place this will be a whiny post with perhaps a smidge of redemption in it.  I have been having the debate of getting up earlier so I can have some time alone to read, watch a show, or just sip coffee without the interruption of children.  When Sean was Evelyn’s age I would get up around 5 in the morning so I could be up first do things I wished to do or just simply do things sans children.  It would make for an incredibly long day but I got out of the blocks well and got somewhat ahead of my competitors. I have been toying with this idea again my hesitation is that I really want to have more sleep.  During the summer months I can not seem to fall asleep until almost the next day.

I got up a little after five this morning.  Strike one, I thought I had switched the coffee pot to automatic but I guess not.  So like a heroin addict standing around a flaming rubbish bin to melt the smack on a spoon I stood around my Braun waiting for it to percolate.

I started in on my coffee and the fog was leaving my brain allowing my thoughts to have some cohesion when…

Strike two, I dropped something which had Sean up.

So with him awake Evelyn began to stir, I thought “Fuck it” lets start.  I got the kids their breakfast watched the absolute rubbish that passes for news in the morning.  Although I was saddened about the death of Dominic Santini of Airwolf/Mermaid Man from SpongeBob.  Also I was confused the news spouted that the British haven’t won a Wimbledon final, that Andy Murray lost.  Did they forget that Jonathan Marray a Brit along with his Danish tennis partner Frederick Nielsen won the mens double finals at Wimbledon on Saturday?

Strike Three, Shouts of help from the bathroom.  Sean has overflowed the toilet.

What had waking up early gotten me so far? Excrement.

Rocks

I took Sean to Kaiser today since he had been a bit under the weather.  Anonymous took Evelyn to take care of some errands.  After Sean’s appointment we went to sit outside to wait for Anonymous to pick us up.  The landscaping of the Kaiser building is quite nice with huge areas of river rocks and concrete slabs for sitting.  We went to sit down only to find an impediment.  Someone had removed a huge amount of river rocks to scrawl John 3:16, I began removing it for safety.  Namely it was hazard someone is going to trip over these things and with the level of Coffin-dodgers getting out of the modified Omni bus I felt it was necessary to move these potentially hip-breaking hazards.  As I am moving it an older gentleman says, “hey those were more organized this morning.”  To which I reply, “I’m moving them so no one falls or gets hurt.”  He ignores me and goes to fix the J in John. As he left I began to put the stones back and got dirty looks. Now here is what irritated me, these things are a hazard either a child will be hurt or an octogenarian.  I was not trying to wage a war on a bible passage I would have removed them if the stones were in a smiley face or a crudely designed dick.  It reminded me of when my dad was officiating a football match and the goals were not secured.  He refused to let the game begin until they were since the week before in another state to girls had been killed by a falling goal.  My dad said, “These are a hazard and they must be secured, if the winds pick up they are lethal.”  A parent shot back, “it’s not windy now!”  I just don’t understand.

Prodigy

I’m the trouble starter, punkin’ instigator

Oh, I’m the fear addicted, danger illustrated

This accurately describes my children!  So this morning Sean got out his markers and gave them to Evelyn even though they are off-limits to her.  So her crib is now decorated, luckily my all purpose cleaner was able eliminate the Picasso like art.  So my son is the instigator then throws his sister under the bus when we question him.  As for the danger illustrated that is Evelyn–diving off of beds, couches and tables.

Fear addicted, that was me.  I couldn’t sleep last night I had stupid thoughts about everything.  This is how stupid my brain is, for those that don’t know I have the O in OCD.  So I’m terrified that if I leave the kids windows open they will be [insert something bad] however, I leave my sliding glass door open for the breeze.  I mean a maniac can come in kill Anonymous and I and still get the kids but if I don’t close the kids windows that’s when I have the bad thoughts. I checked the doors and windows and finally closed our slider around two a.m..  I really hate the way my brain will lock on to something completely stupid and run with it.  During the day I can snap myself out of it but the boogeyman is rampant at night.  I know this started after my Mum died then went underground for awhile until I broke my leg then it popped up again.  The issue is control I know I  really have none.  The Universe will do whatever it wishes and I accept that but my brain doesn’t understand it.

palaeography?

Before I decided on weapons for my Master’s Thesis I did toy with the idea of Palaeography, or the study of ancient writing.  Many documents can be dated simply by the handwriting style of the period.   Documents from the 18th century look similar think of the Declaration of Independence.  We see our writing style evolve, cursive is quickly becoming outdated.  I saw the above  at the park Sean and Evelyn go to and I was struck syntax and how it is in the style of texting or status update.  This graffiti tells me that I’m a dinosaur for wanting to use a heart!  I wonder in many eons to come what the language will look like and will alien travelers know what the above says?

The Rings

I wear two rings around my neck and sometimes people ask about them.  Generally they ask about the smaller one first.  I explain that it was my Mother’s eternity ring, my brother wears her wedding band.  Most people put two and two together and then ask when she died.  Well this gets funny or sad.  I was in a store the other day with Sean and Evelyn and the checkout lady asked about my rings.  First she asked about the smaller one and I said, “oh this was my mother’s”  She got misty a bit then asked about the larger one I replied “It’s my husbands” she looks at Sean and Evelyn and damn near breaks down!  I had to quickly amend that my husband is not dead it is just that the original wedding ring we bought can not be sized since it is titanium.

Treadmill

It’s feast or famine when it comes to phone calls.  I can go weeks without my phone ringing and on the one day I do get a call it is instantly followed by others.  Yesterday I was talking to Anonymous when the phone beeped announcing I had another call.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, I’m calling about the treadmill.”

“I don’t have a treadmill.”

“You sold it already?!?”

“No, I don’t have a treadmill at all.  I’m not selling nor do I own one.”

“Oh is this 555-1243?”

“It’s 555-1234”

“Oh ok, bye.”

Hope the guy got his treadmill.

Taxes

Yesterday I did the taxes.  I sat down with all the W-2’s, 1099 and all other manner of things of the tax man.  I’m glad I did it, I’m also glad Anonymous was taking Sean for walk since I was swearing up a storm!! There is no line 20 on one form and other forms might as well be written in High Vulcan since it takes a unique form of logic to understand those damned things.  Also the software we used was very tricky, we wanted to do the state form ourselves to save $40.  Well it took a lot of manipulation to do it.  There was a very small button that only Anonymous could find.  We went through a loop of questions three times before he found it.  I can see people getting pissed with the software and saying,”Bollocks!! I’ll pay the sodding forty bucks!”