When I was young I knew I would want to have children and be an at-home mom. I thought that my mom would give me tips and pointers. When she died, well before I had children or was married, I still wanted children but was terrified at the aspect of not having her counsel. Another much loved maternal figure in my life is dying and I really feel adrift. I have no maps and the guides I do know are somewhat remote. More than that I feel sad that our kids will not have their knowledge or input. I have put a few things away for Sean and Evie, things from these women which I will give to them when they are older. I can tell them who they belonged to and how much these women love them. Nevertheless inanimate objects can’t feel as good as a hug.